Year Zero

Posted: May 29, 2017 in Book Reviews


Year Zero by Rob Reid

Nick Carter (no not the same one from the backstreet boys) is a low-level entertainment and media lawyer specializing in copyright laws trying to work his way up the ranks at his law firm. He is on the verge of being fired if he does not do something special soon to prove to his bosses that he is worth keeping around.

He also has a neighbour whom he has a big time crush on who he is trying to impress. She lives down the hall and is a local musician named Manda.

What seems to have started as a normal day at work ends up anything but normal. You see seemingly out of nowhere two strange people show up at his office. A red-headed mullah and a curvaceous nun that goes by the names Frampton and Carly. They are there to get a license for all of earths music. You see it turns out they are actually extraterrestrials who are now dealing with the largest copyright violation in the history of the universe. One so large that the universe is literally bankrupt. If they do not get this resolved soon aliens will come and destroy earth in an effort to wipe out the debt.

You see, Carly and Frampton are part of a group of aliens who make up what is called the refined league. They are obsessed with art in any form. When they first heard Earth’s music in 1977 (what they call year zero starting with the Kotter moment. The kotter moment being when aliens first heard the theme music to the 1970’s sit come Welcome Back Kotter.) It created this kind of alien mental addiction and the universe began copying music somewhere to the tune of 25 million songs for every individual alien out there. This resulting in trillions of copies of illegally downloaded music and the universe is now faced with paying humanity a fine of up to 150,000 dollars per song unless they can secure the music rights from each and every music rights holder on earth.

You see this alien society has this law that says that all forms of art must be enjoyed and are bound by the respective laws of the society which created it. And While humans are not part of the refined species group they are the best musicians in the universe.

Now Carly and Frampton think that Nick Carter lawyer is in fact Nick Carter from the backstreet boys. Something he must deal with while trying to hold off an alien invasion of angry aliens trying to wipe out humanity to nullify their debt due to copyright violations.

In the mean time Paulie an alien parrot and his side kick, A alien vacuum cleaner, are working on a plot to cause humanity to destroy itself. (you see, the laws strictly forbid them from destroying humanity themselves but if they can get humanity to destroy itself they have not technically violated any laws)

Carly and Frampton in the meantime try to recruit their father (they are brother and sister) to help them expose this plot via the most watch reality tv show in the universe. Their show is based on being a behind the scenes show (kind of like the Osbornes) of their father’s family who is a music impersonator that puts on concerts on a planet designed for that purpose.  Of course if it were not for their show the flaw in the massive space shield surrounding earth to prevent anyone from coming to earth would not have been exposed in the first place. You see they had to put up this shield in order to stop earth from being crashed by all the Guess Who fans in the universe.

And of course all the aliens elements have been named after earths bands, such as metallicam the most powerful element in the universe. It can cause annihilation and be the basis for life. The alien vacuum cleaner is in fact a metallicam based life form.

So to sum up this book we have reality tv shows that serve as the best and most accurate journalism in the known universe. You got Talking and plotting parrots that pull off some crazy bird kung foo while pooping in peoples eyes. You got vacuums cleaners that are not vacuum cleaners but alien metallicum based life forms. You got the largest copyright violation in the universe since the big bang and 48 hours to save earth from total destruction and annihilation. Oh and Bill Gates is really an alien who is here preventing earths tech from expanding and growing in any realistic pace simply by releasing windows updates and new versions so as to ensure that earths music can continued to be enjoyed throughout the universe.

This is a wildly funny and entertaining read. I have not read anything this funny since The hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Honestly if you liked hitchhikers Guide you will like this book. I am ranking it right up there with Douglas Adams. Just hilarious. Good for a laugh but I warn you make sure you empty your bladder before reading it because you likely will laugh so hard you will pee yourself otherwise.

9/10 book worms for me. Just awesome!



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